The tale of the chameleons' contestants

For a long time chameleon has been going about telling anyone that cares to listen, how he is the best animal in camouflaging, how he can change into various colours, etc. He kept priding himself in his self-acclaimed art. One day he met snail, who told him that there's an animal whose prowess in the art would render chameleon's mastery a learner. Chameleon was angry at snail for saying this. He felt slighted.

Shortly after his meeting with snail, there was a general meeting of the animals, there, chameleon conversed with another animal thus:

BAT: I heard that you claim that your mastery in art of camouflaging is matchless and unbeatable?

Chameleon: (with an inflated air of pomposity) yes, of course!

BAT: And what's the greatest stunt you had ever pulled?

Chameleon: There was this day that I was being chased by a farmer's boy. And you know that I can't run. So, I quickly changed into colour green, the colour of leaves. Thus, I wasn't detected.

BAT: That's nothing, after all, most leaves, if not all, are green.

Chameleon: Alright, at another time, hunters were looking for me and I quickly wore the colour of their dogs!

BAT: (Pretending to be excited). Wow, that's great; besides changing into colours, are there other things you can change into?

Chameleon: (After a little hesitation) No.

BAT: Can you change your gender?

Chameleon (looking awfully terrified) No.

BAT: You haven't changed your parents?

Chameleon: (Gasping for breath) No, but how? Who can do that?

BAT: Your village and state of origin?

Chameleon (by now visibly, shaken and confused) No.

BAT: Can you change your primary and secondary schools, years after you never attended those schools?

Chameleon: Wait, I don't get it...

BAT: What about not having certificates and yet producing one, designed by yourself?

Chameleon: (opened his mouth in utter amazement, speechless)

BAT: Lest I forget, how many times were you born?

Chameleon: once, of course, just like everyone. 

BAT: Shut up, my friend, speak for yourself. I was born thrice, 1952, 1954, nineteen kini eem?

Chameleon: No, whaaat! Who does that?

BAT: I, BAT, neither a bird nor rat, do. I feast in the air and on the ground; I'm the author of confusion!

Chameleon: You mean conviction?

BAT: Are you deaf? Who has conviction helped? I mean CONFUSION!

Chameleon (still flabbergasted, but seems to have remembered something) Wait, are you the fellow who it was said, claimed to have attended a school long before it was established?

BAT: You heard it?

Chameleon: Of course, I did, but I didn't believe it, I considered it as an impossibility.

BAT: Never use that word again.

Chameleon: which word?

BAT: Impossibility. 

Chameleon: But how?

BAT: What money can't do, more money will make it possible!

Chameleon: (completely horrified and CORNfused)

BAT: Besides this country, is there any other place you have changed things?

Chameleon: No, just here.

BAT: Really? Why do you bluff then, for being a local champion? I have crossed the Atlantic and over there, I did great exploits; I was there as a female and came back here, a male.

Chameleon: Ha!

BAT: Yes.

Chameleon: Can I ask you a question?

BAT: Yes, of course.

Chameleon: Why do you hang upside down?

BAT: I'm thinking outside the box.

Chameleon: How do you mean?

BAT: In being upside down, I will see agbado, cassava, dodo, beans, garri, and so many other things. 

Chameleon: Hmmm...I'm really a learner. No wonder snail...

BAT: What about snail?

Chameleon: He told me about your exploits. 

BAT: Oh, he knows what I can do. Before now, snail was doing well. But I changed him to the slow motion that he is today. 

Chameleon: (Dumbfounded) you're the boss.

BAT: Just added another name to my name. 

Chameleon: Why, at this age?

BAT: It's change, to blend into another identity. 

Chameleon:

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